Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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