I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
40s are totally the cure
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
