Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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