In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
