I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize