where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
