I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
