went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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