At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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