I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
