I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
