Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
