If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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