I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
They have beer where we have blood.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize