he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
