also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
