Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
