my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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