Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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