ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
