He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
accomplished twins. life is a go
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
