You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize