why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
