i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
