You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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