Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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