my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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