Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
