There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
