I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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