Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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