I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
