FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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