rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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