why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
