where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
