Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize