Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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