you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
