I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
