Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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