Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
