I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
