Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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