I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
