The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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