I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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