omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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