I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
