I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
