Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
