so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
