but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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