Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
