I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
