i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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