I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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