I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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