Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Terrible idea I love it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
