A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She is in my trunk
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
