Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize