My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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