...so i touched it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
