We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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