everyone is single if you try hard enough
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
