dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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