He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
