A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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