Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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