wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
